When my head is hurting

A year can go by, and still I think about this thing. Much of my life is like this! I have an idea, I pursue it, I forget about it, I think about it randomly. I’m sure I am not alone in this.

A kind of life that is bogged down by the day to day living, inspired by the people and moments, but can’t seem to keep all of the routines and schedules and deadlines and ideas organized… and so, the prioritized things get done and the other things, that could way day become priorities wait in line for their big shot at being something worth getting done.

I’ve been dying to write lately! For six months or plus. And here I am finally. Ready, willing, able.

And there’s not really much to say, because there is just so much. And really all I can think about is how my head hurts. But so does my belly and my legs, shoulders, and heart.

It’s that season when the weather begins to change, and though the chilly breeze is totally welcomed it starts to reveal the deeper emotions of the heart.

I am pregnant. With my first child, and it is a boy. He is a boy. This is an exciting and difficult time, because I have to prioritize in the midst of being filled with desires and ideas. It is also about 1 year until we will be voting for our president. Primary are almost here, and I want to participate. I want to participate in all of the things. Educating my students, getting a higher degree, raising a child with my loving partner, loving my husband better, deepening memories with friends and families, traveling - always traveling. I want to go I want to do. But my head hurts.

So I am here, on a Sunday with a forever and a half to do list, and I’m just sitting on the bed. In this extremely awkward position thinking about real estate (for no reason other than it intrigues me), with a hurting head, and shoulders, and heart.

One day, this will all come together, I just know it! I hope! Because I’ve decided I want to be a writer. So it has to; I pray. Take the right steps, or the next steps. Teach the kids, love my neighbors, and keep dreaming.

I’m thirty last month. This blog space a constant reminder of that time years ago, when I was unaware of who I was. And yet I’m still in that murky place, but so much more a live in that idea that I do know. I know that I don’t know, that I will ever know. And it’s freeing. I’m free. To just try a thing here and there. And sometimes my head will hurt.